Birthday Presents

My husband keeps asking me what I want for my birthday. I’ve spent 360+ days telling him what to get me for my next birthday and he doesn’t remember a single thing I said.  I understand though because I can’t remember what I said either. I know that my standard asks are kitchen gadgets, something R&R related, and some random thing related to wine but not necessarily wine. It was probably one of those glasses that holds an entire bottle of wine so I can say something super witty like  “Yeah, I only had one glass of wine yesterday. Ha ha. I”m hilarious.” But seriously, I can’t remember any of the things I said I wanted and my husband needs guidance so let’s work on this together shall we?

1. Something for the kitchen

I may have asked for a spiralizer. Have you seen them? One of those things that takes zucchini and turns it into pasta… I just know that if I had a spiralizer not only would I make spiralized zucchini noodles, but my kids would eat spiraled zucchini noodles every day. I would be like Oprah handing out spiral zucchini! “YOU get some spiralized zucchini spaghetti! And YOU get some spiralized zucchini spaghetti!” It would be anarchy! Wait! Do I want anarchy? I suppose not. So instead this year I would like my kids to actually eat the dinner I make. Not the extra dinner I have to make for them because they don’t want to eat what I made and then I feel like a horrible mom because my kids are hungry and mad because before I had kids I vowed that they would eat whatever we eat and if they didn’t they would just starve, and I end up making them noodles, olives, and cereal because that’s what they eat….

2. A good old-fashioned pampering

Man.  I need a massage. I need a day at the spa.  I need a pedicure and a manicure and a facial. I need one of those spa days where you go in the morning and they let you stay there all day for a schvitz and a seaweed wrap. Where they bring you mojitos and mimosas while you luxuriate in their lavender-scented robes and terry cloth hair wraps. One of those days you are so relaxed it feels like a dream and time just fades away while your mud mask sets. The last time I had a day like that was at The Ritz Carlton at Lake Las Vegas. It was my honeymoon. That was 2009. WAAAAYYYYYY too long ago! Even at a one per decade I’m due. Most days it’s a quick stop at the local nail salon for a mani/pedi where I get two glasses of boxed wine and no one starts sentence with “Mom, can I have…”   So instead this year I would like to sleep in. Not all day. Just “in.” In until my eyes pop open. In without an alarm going off. In even after the kids are up. Not a nap. Not an early night to bed. But a LEGITIMATE in. You know how in Disney movies  when the princess wakes up and then two birds come over and pull off her covers and she pets the squirrel in her window? Yeah! I want THAT kind of sleep in. Fairy tale princess sleep.

3. Wine goods

I have my eye on several wine and wine enjoyment items. There’s these… But they may be a little too hot for September. There’s this. It’s a wine preserving decanter. Apparently it’s for leftover wine. I am unfamiliar with this term”leftover wine.” Is it French?  Probably not practical as a gift for me. So instead this year I’ll just take a single glass of wine. An uninterrupted single glass of wine. This one glass right here… Ha-Ha. See. I’m hilarious!