My mother just turned 70. Today in fact. I have a 70-year old mother. She is beautiful and feisty and will probably outlive me. But she is 70. This is very upsetting…for me. Well maybe for her too, but mostly me.
My mom
When I was a kid my friends and I considered my mom an “old mom.” This is all because at some point we learn to add and subtract and figure out how old our parents were when we’re born. My mom was 26 when I was born and she was considered an OLD MOM. Wow! Have times changed. 26 seems so young now, but when I was 10 and she was 36 we thought 36 was old. I could never imagine being in my 30s. And here I am 40…something (you can do your own math). Surprisingly my subscription to AARP did not auto-generate. I was not given a monthly allotment of prunes. And no one instructed me to turn in my drivers license for a Hover Round. Maybe this whole aging thing is not what I thought.
I find that I must take this opportunity to reflect on not only the years but the lessons she has taught me along the way before we’re both too old to appreciate it.
1. Laugh with your kids
Motherhood. There is no glory. There are no breaks. There is no standing ovation. There is heartbreak, and heartache, and headaches and bumps and bruises and tears. There are days when you think “Why did we do this?”
But there are laughs and smiles, and victories. There are tea parties and bounce houses. There are soccer goals, and school awards, and days when someone says “your kids are always so happy.” And you beam with pride.
Maya Angelou once said (in paraphrase) not to waste your smiles on people who do not matter. Smile and laugh with those who do. And even though I don’t smile at every minute, in the times that I should I will smile bigger and laugh louder than anyone else.
2. Appreciate the arts
My mom used to sing around the house. There was always music on the record player. Soul, Disco, Motown, Broadway musicals. ALWAYS. The first Christmas gifts I received that had any substantial meaning were the Thriller and Flashdance soundtrack.
My mom was also a thespian. Yes! She was from the island of Thesbos where you sang, you danced, and there was no such thing as a drama geek. She still speaks of how much fun she had and that it was one of the happiest times of her life.
I love that. It definitely stayed with me. If there is a musical in your town-go to it! If there is a symphony in your town-go to it! If there is a museum in your town-go to it! If there’s not find a stage to dance or sing or let your thesbos flag wave!
We grumble about those crazy kids of today who only know what they see on YouTube but just the other day my son asked me if I’d ever heard the song “Beat It.” Bless his heart! So you see folks- there’s hope for this generation after all. Although he did hear the song on some YouTube show. But I digress…
3. Drink the GOOD wine
Listen. We’re no wine snobs. We’ll drink the bad wine too-but when you can DRINK THE GOOD WINE! The only deep lesson here is to DRINK THE DAMN GOOD WINE!
4. Put family before everything else
My mom was a single mother to a “mixed kid” in places and times that were not friendly to these two scenarios. Hell, she vowed she wouldn’t ever go back to Texas based on an incident in the 1970s when she was traveling across country by motorcycle with my dad.
She has worked two jobs to support us because it wasn’t just that we needed a place to live. We also needed a place to live in a great school district, with lots of kids and activities.
When she did finally buy a house it was in a great neighborhood, in a great school district, with lots of kids and activities, and a super high property tax. Why? Cuz she put family before everything else. Even if that meant she had to keep working two jobs. Even if it meant I worked after school. Even if it meant missing those after school activities.
I did not appreciate the work she put in to put family first until now. The nights I worked all day, took care of the kids in the evening and got my degree online at night and the weekends was so I could advance my career and put family first.
The years my husband stayed home with our son and daughter so I could keep building my work experience-giving them the best child care in the world but less income to support them was to put family first
The days I leave the job early and work on the train so we can make it to soccer practice, youth group, Meet the Teacher and school musicals are the work life balance struggle to fit 28 hours into a 24-hour day so I can put family first.
So there it is. 70 ain’t as old as I thought it was when I was a kid. And my non-disclosed age isn’t either. And as they say it’s not the years of your life, it’s the life in the years.
Happy Birthday Nona! From this girl here!